Kira VS a Baby
by goirkens
Summary: Light plans on becoming the God of the New World, but he thinks he's been spotted...By a baby? Is it a spy? Or is Light just paranoid? And is his plan to become God in jeopardy?
1. Chapter 1

This is a Death Note/Invader Zim crossover that was inspired by the _Invader Zim_ episode _Plague of Babies_. Enjoy!**_

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_**Kira V.S a Baby**_

It was a peaceful summer evening in the city of Tokyo. Well, mostly peaceful. The only noise that rang through the night was a scream that came from an ordinary house. A scream that could only come from a High School kid with brown hair and his Shinigami, Ryuk.

But they weren't screaming because they were scared,

Or because something bad had happened,

They were screaming because the High School student's little sister was making them play dress up with her and her New Guinea pig, Simi.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! NO!!! STOP!!!! GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Within seconds, the bedroom door swung open and out flew the student Light Yagami, who was riding on the back of his Shinigami as they tried to fly away. Both were clad in pink dresses and makeup that they were forced to wear by Sayu, Light's little sister. Light was wearing a pink wig as well.

"Faster, Ryuk, faster!!!" Light screamed, but the extra weight of the dresses caused them to crash just three feet from Light's room. Quickly, Light scrambled to his feet, ran into his room, and locked the door. Ryuk was right behind him, but he wasn't fast enough and slammed his nose against the suddenly closed door. He grasped his nose and yelped in pain before walking through the wall into Light's room.

"Hey, Light, what was that about?" Light didn't answer. He had his back against the door and his heartbeat was going at a hundred miles a minute. A few minutes later, he removed the pink wig with a shaky hand.

"I'm never playing with Sayu again!" He said. Ryuk agreed and took off the frilly, pink dress. Light did the same and walked over to his desk in his normal clothes. He pulled out the Death Note that he kept hidden in his desk drawer. "Maybe I should go back in time and kill the person who invented that _**horrid**_ game!"

"Uh, Light, how do you intend to do that?"

"……I don't know, but as the God of the New World, something has to be d—" Suddenly, Light noticed that they were being watched. Right across the street, someone was looking at them through the window. Immediately, Light turned the lights off and lowered the blinds on his window.

"Ryuk, I think we've been spotted."

"But the only way that anyone would be able to see me would be if they had touched the Death Note, and when you use it, it just looks like you're writing stuff down." Light pulled a pair of binoculars out of his backpack.

"That's true, Ryuk. But for all we know, he could be a spy for L." He pulled the blinds up slightly and a thin pool of light poured into the room. He placed the binoculars on the edge of the windowsill and looked at the "spy". "Who knows how long he's been spying on us." Ryuk looked through the window as well.

"Light, calm down. He's just a baby." Just to annoy him, Ryuk pulled the blinds up, turned the lights on and screamed, "HI BABY!!!!" Light tackled him, pulled the blinds down, and turned the lights off again. The whole time, the baby just stared through the window while Light wrestled Ryuk to the ground.

"Ryuk, what the hell were you doing? Do you think he's not a threat?"

"Yes."

"As far as I know, that's what it _wants_ us to think! I must find out what it knows…" Light got up and walked over to his desk to think about his next _evil_ plan. Ryuk floated nearby.

"Ha ha ha, looks like this is going to be…interesting…"

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Who knew that the God of the New World would be paranoid over a little baby? Coming up in chapter 2;

_How does Light plan to deal with the so called "spy"?_

_Is the baby really a spy, or just a baby?_

_Will Light be able to go back in time to kill the person who invented **Dress Up**?_

_**Find out in chapter 2! Please Review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

Here's chapter 2 of Kira VS a Baby! In chapter 1, Light learns that he's being watched by a baby. Let's see what he's going to do about it!

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About a week or so later, Light and Ryuk were waiting outside of a building. It wasn't the mall, or any fast food restaurant or any normal teenage hangout. In fact, it was just a nursery!

Light was wearing a green beanie and a grey sweatshirt. He was confident that this plan was going to work. He had done some research, plus, this has worked before. The shinigami that was floating nearby chuckled.

"Hey, Light. You sure this is going to work on a baby?" Light just smiled.

"You were there when I first tried this out. I know that it'll work."

"But Ray Penber was a grown man! This is a _baby_ we're talking about after all!"

"You worry too much. Here he comes!" Light pulled the hood over his face as a green minivan drove up to the front of the building. First a skinny brunette lady wearing a floral shirt stepped out on the driver's side. _Could this be his __**mother**__? She looks dumber than Hell! _The lady then opened the door on the passenger's side and carried a little baby towards the nursery. Light followed closely behind.

"I'll be back in a few hours, Noogums!" the skinny lady said. Noogums waved goodbye as his mom left the building. Light made sure that the lady was gone before acting out his ingenious plan. He sat right behind Noogums just as the baby was starting to play with some blocks.

"Noogums," Light said so that only they could hear, "turn arou—"

"_**NOOOOGUUUUUUMMMMMSS**_!" _Oh Shoot! She's coming back!_ Light dived into the ball pool just as the lady who screams like a banshee came back. He peeked over the edge of the pool.

"Mommy forgot to give you your good-bye kiss!" She planted a big, wet, disgusting kiss on the baby. Light was relieved to know that baby wasn't him, and it wasn't just because Noogums was going to be dead soon, courtesy of Kira. After she left, Light waited at least a half hour before exiting the ball pool and sat behind the baby again.

"Anyways, Noogums, turn around and you're dead. I am Ki—. " Unexpectedly, Noogums turned around and faced Light with his drool-covered face.

"Wait, what? NO! Turn around!" Light turned the baby back around and continued being all spooky and stuff. "Don't turn around—" Noogums turned around again.

"NO!!!" Light turned the baby around again.

Light kept talking. "Just in case you don't believe me, I'm going to prove my power. You see that teddy bear over there? He's been accused of sexual assault against a tickle-me Elmo, but they could never find—" Noogums turned around to face Light _again_.

"**STOP THAT!!!**" Light turned the baby around again and continued speaking. "As I was saying, they could never find enough proof to put him behind bars." Just seconds after Light spoke, the stuffing seemed to explode out of the teddy bear's heart-area. This surprised most of the other babies, but Noogums just kept drooling over a yellow block.

"I'm confident that you believe me now. Here, take this." Light gave the baby a big envelope. "Inside that envelope is a transceiver. Put it in your ear and enter that train over there." There was a toy train several feet in front of them. There were at least six babies riding it at the moment. Noogums looked at the train, then the envelope, then the train again, and then stuck the envelope in his mouth. Light was shocked by this sudden turn of events.

"Wait, what? NO! Bad Noogums! Bad baby! You do _**not **_put that in your mouth!" While Light was trying to instruct Noogums on how to put the transceiver in his ear, Ryuk was cracking up a storm. Suddenly, a chubby baby threw an apple juice carton in Ryuk's mouth. He pulled it out and threw it across the room, but not before some of the juice got in his mouth. Surprisingly, it tasted better than apples. He had to have more. The baby seemed to have plenty to spare, so Ryuk snagged one and sat in the corner to watch Light crash and burn.

"For the millionth time, you stick the transceiver in your ear! _**Not **_your _**bellybutton**_! Or your _**mouth**_! Don't drool on those papers! You have to write on those!" Things weren't going as planned. How the heck was he supposed to get the baby to actually _listen_ to him? _Especially_ one that was an endless pit full of drool? Suddenly, the baby giggled and let out a wide grin.

"What the heck is so funny?" Suddenly, a powerful smell invaded Light's nostrils. "OH MY GOD!!! WHAT IS THAT STENCH!?! IT MUST BE SOME SORT OF A DEFENSE MECHANISM!!!" Light collapsed onto the ground gagging as half of the babies were frightened and half found this entertaining. A few even took the opportunity to whack him with their toys as he tried to crawl away. Those seven seconds he spent crawling seemed like seven hours, seven days, and seven _years_ even! He finally managed to stand up and run away. The stench still lingered about in his mind and it clouded his coordination like a drug, thus crashing into almost every person and object he came across. Ryuk followed behind laughing and drinking his apple juice—but he stole another one from the chubby kid before exiting. While all this chaos was taking place, Noogums just sat there drooling.

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There's chapter 2! Who knew that a valedictorian wouldn't know that the whole Ray Penber plan wouldn't work on a baby? I'll work on chapter 3 after updating _No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service_ and _Near Meets a Girl_.

**Please Review!**


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